Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
