It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
