she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
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What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
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