weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
