Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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