he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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