Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
