I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
