Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
