He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
