I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
