I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
