the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
