you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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