Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
