As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
