I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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