that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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