My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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