Pregnant stripper...not hot.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
