So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
