my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
