I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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