my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
