This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
