What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
