if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
