As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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