the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
