I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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