Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
