I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
