Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
