you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Randomize
