I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
