we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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