Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
