finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
