Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
