I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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