Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
