why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
