I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
