Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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