GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
