If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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