wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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