I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Boobs speak an international language.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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