I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
