Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
