So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
