Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Fuck appropriateness.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
