Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
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So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
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We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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