apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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