ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
