I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
