the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
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He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
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GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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