you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
