I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Randomize
