I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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