If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I need a beard to bite.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
