some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
