the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
