Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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