new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
