just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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