i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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