The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
