You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
