i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
