So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
