i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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