I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
