Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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